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Dev::Bollocks(3)      User Contributed Perl Documentation     Dev::Bollocks(3)

NAME
       Dev::Bollocks - Arbitrary sized bollocks	straight from middle
       management

SYNOPSIS
	   use Dev::Bollocks;

	   print Dev::Bollocks->new(),"\n";    # create	first bollox
	   print Dev::Bollocks->rand(),"\n";   # create	random bollox
	   print Dev::Bollocks::rand(3),"\n";  # create	random bollox w/ 3 words

	   $x =	Dev::Bollocks->rand(),"\n";    # create	some random bollox
	   for ($i = 0;	$i ++; $i < 10)
	     {
	     print "$x\n"; $x++;	       # next bollox
	     }

REQUIRES
       perl v5.8.1, Math::BigInt, Math::String,	Math::String::Charset,
       Math::String::Charset::Grouped

EXPORTS
       Exports nothing.

DESCRIPTION
       This module implements /dev/bollocks, which generates management
       bullshit	whenever you need it.

       Of course, to follow the	spirit outlined	in
       <http://www.fatsquirrel.org/veghead/software/bollocks/> this module
       doesn't simple do a "head /dev/bollocks", that would be too easy, too
       fast and	non-portable. And bullshit is universilly portable.

       Thus the	module makes a subclass	of Math::String	and changes the
       default charset to a charset that somewhat emulates and extends the
       original	/dev/bollocks charset.

       As a side-effect	you can	calculate with bollocks	strings, or even
       compare them to find out	which is greater crap than the other:

	       use Dev::Bollocks;

	       my $x = Dev::Bollocks->rand();
	       my $y = Dev::Bollocks->rand();

	       print "$x is more crap than $y\n" if ($x	> $y);
	       print "$y is more crap than $x\n" if ($y	> $x);
	       print "$x is the	same bollox than $y\n" unless ($y != $x);

EXAMPLES
       Run examples/bollocks.pl	to get something like:

	We were	told to	adaptively monetize holistic market-driven systems.
	It is important	to appropriately fashion meta-services.
	We can enthusiastically	utilize	proactive channels.
	We should paradigmatically streamline e-services.
	Your job is to seamlessly architect dynamic out-of-the-box clusters.
	Our job	is to interactively harness high-yield 24/7 markets.
	We were	told to	widespreadedly supply holistic synergies.
	So, let's assertively grow front-end vertical architectures.
	Your job is to completely exploit scalable meta-services.
	All of us plan to evangelistically empower low-risk edge-of-your-seat content.
	So, let's augmentatively build back-end	systems.
	And next we simultaneously transform sexy m-commerce.
	All of us plan to continually benchmark	world-class methodologies.
	Your job is to enormously disseminate open-source interactive mindshares.
	So, let's simultaneously transform interfaces.
	Our job	is to confidentially coordinate	intuitive intuitive e-commerce.
	It is important	to paradigmatically embrace robust dot-com solutions.
	And next we appropriately innovate strategic customers.
	All of us plan to challengingly	target synergies.
	Our job	is to conveniently generate collaborative deliverables.
	It is important	to evangelistically synergize high-yield robust	IPOs.
	We should competently e-enable convergence.
	All of us plan to economically negotiate action-items.
	It is important	to competently integrate value-added efficient users.
	We better widespreadedly promote vertical strategic materials.
	And next we centrally harness convergence.
	So, let's dynamically e-enable out-of-the-box 24/365 customers.
	And next we dramatically enhance efficient development.
	We better biannually enable high-yield metrics.

INTERNAL DETAILS
       I spare you the internal	details. You don't want	to know	the internas
       of middle management. Trust me. If you still are	inclined to know, see
       Math::String. Don't say I didn't	warn you.

USEFULL	METHODS
   new()
		   $bollocks = Dev::Bollock->new();

       Create a	new Dev::Bollocks object with the first	bollocks ever.
       Optionally you can pass another bollocks	string and it will see if it
       is valid	middle management speak. Never was generating crap so easy!

   rand()
		   $bollocks = Dev::Bollock->rand($words);

       Create a	new, random Dev::Bollocks object with $words words. $words
       defaults	to 4.

   first()
		   $bollocks->first($length);
		   $bollocks = Dev::Bollocks->first($length);

       Generate	the first bollocks of a	certain	length,	length beeing here the
       number of words.

   last()
		   $bollocks->last($length);
		   $bollocks = Dev::Bollocks->last($length);

       Same as first(),	only does the, well, last crap you expect.

   as_number()
		   $bollocks->as_number();

       Return internal number as normalized BigInt including sign.

   length()
		   $bollocks->length();

       Return the number of characters in the resulting	string (aka it's
       length).	It returns the number of words,	since a	Dev::Bollocks charset
       contains	the crap words as 'characters'.

   charset()
		   $bollocks->charset();

       Return a	reference to the charset of the	Dev::Bollocks object.

PERFORMANCE
       It is rather slow. This is a feature, not a bug.

   Benchmarks
       Were not	done on	purpose. Nobody	expects	middle,	or any other, for what
       it matters, management, to be fast or efficient,	so we didn't waste our
       time in profiling it.

PLANS
       Bring upper and lower management	speak to the, er, waiting masses.

LICENSE
       This program is free crap; you may redistribute it and/or modify	it
       under the same terms as Perl itself.

CREDITS
       o The original idea is from
	 <http://www.fatsquirrel.org/veghead/software/bollocks/>.

       o I also	found some words by searching the web for "Vision" statements
	 (<http://www.google.com> is your friend!).

       o Webster's dictionary. Nowhere you can find gems like
	 autoschediastically, daffydowndilly or	histomorphologically.

       o And then there	is
	 <http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/career/html/mission_vocab.html>.

       o From <http://www.tomshardware.com/cpu/01q4/011105/index.html>:

	 "This time, AMD attempts to entrench its position in the performance-
	 oriented high-end segment." - You just	can't make that	stuff up.

       o <http://www.utsglobal.com/products.html>:

	 ...provide enterprise-class UNIX operating environments...
	 ...matched the	unique scaleable, mission-critical features...

       o The journal Displays Europe, issue #1 provided	lot's of, uh, well,
	 genuine [mental note to self: add genuine to the list of adjectives]
	 material:

	 An VESA ad
	    "...to foster industry innovation and global market	growth"

	 Some headline
	    "organic success stimulates	industry-wide bandwagon"

	 Yeah, whatever.

AUTHOR
       If you use this module in one of	your projects (haha!), then please
       email me.  Or maybe better not. Oh, crap, mail me anyway.

       (c) Tels	http://bloodgate.com 2001 - 2006.

perl v5.32.0			  2006-10-29		      Dev::Bollocks(3)

NAME | SYNOPSIS | REQUIRES | EXPORTS | DESCRIPTION | EXAMPLES | INTERNAL DETAILS | USEFULL METHODS | PERFORMANCE | PLANS | LICENSE | CREDITS | AUTHOR

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